wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
