she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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