I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
