this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it's like iHOP with fire
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
