Even water is tasting like jack daniels
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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