Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
