I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
