His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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