just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
