We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
