3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
