No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
