I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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