yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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