I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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