Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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