im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
