Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
