That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
