Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
