$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
