The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
