Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.