I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
