I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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