i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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