I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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