My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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