If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
