hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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