i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
