I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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