508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
