Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
