You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
