When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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