I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
