Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
