Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
