Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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