This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
