note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
