my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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