Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
