No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
