if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
