I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
