my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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