I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
