I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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