I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
