So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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