google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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