apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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