yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
