i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
