Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
