I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
