Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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