What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
