not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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