the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize