Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I believe in your delicious
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
