the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
