its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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