Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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