I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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